Cooking Burgers on a Grill: A Tutorial

Prompted by the dining hall, it has come to my attention that a vast number of people who are in the business of food need some help figuring out how to turn something resembling this:



Into something that doesn't look like this on a bun:



Now then, I should preface this and say that my methods are not official, I am in no way a professional chef, but I can safely say that my methods lead to delicious tasty burgers, even when made from frozen, not fresh meat.

1. Preheat grill, usually around medium, or just above medium heat.
   
2. Place frozen patty on the grill, and there should not be direct flames on the burgers. Cover if possible.
   
3. Crucial point: DO NOT TOUCH THE BURGER. Every time you poke it, or prod it, or squish it down to test how cooked it is, you push more of the limited amount of moisture in a burger patty out of it. Also, let's face the truth, diamond marks are kind of worthless, since the burger will be smothered with condiments anyway.
   
4. Wait until the burger has lots of little pink puddles on top. This step usually takes around five or so minutes, depending on the grill.
   
5. Flip burger once.
6. Leave burger on grill until once again there are small pinkish puddles. This step also takes around four to five minutes, depending on how rare you like your burger.
   
7. Now, you can pick one burger to test for firmness. If it's as firm as a burger you would want to eat, congrats, they're prolly done.
8. Flip the burgers once more to get excess burger juice off, and remove from heat.
9. If not going to be eaten right away, place in a covered container to prevent from cooling immediately, else, add condiments and enjoy.

Congratulations, if you follow these steps, you should end up with something resembling this: